Karate for enochlophobics.

Karate for enochlophobics., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

So, I see this sign as I'm driving down the road and it makes me wonder:

What exactly is a semi-private karate class?


Private I get.

You don't want everyone seeing your terrible form while practicing your Mr. Miyagi moves so you prefer to get your training mano y mano until you're fully up to snuff and can Crane Kick like a...well, crane I guess.

That's fine.

The thing that confuses me is this "semi-private" stuff. What exactly would that entail? Is it a stepping stone for people who want to eventually show their karate skills to the masses but just aren't comfortable yet? Is it for creepy people who want someone else there to watch them while their dojo master makes them break bricks with their head? Or perhaps it's for private lessons in a semi (truck). Now that would be weird. Or a very Segal thing to do.

Anyway, the place was unsurprisingly out of business. Too bad really. I very much wanted to talk to them about this whole thing. I'm sure they'd have a perfectly rational explanation that still wouldn't satisfy me, but at least I could meet them and add them to my list of people that make signs with semi-random word placement.

Up up and away!

Up up and away!, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

I'm off!

If I have too much fun I may never come back.

Tchau gente!

The People I Know Are Definitely The Best

IMG_3084, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

I don't know how it happened but all my friends are stupendous.

It's like they all grew on little Fantastic Trees until they were ripe enough and then fell off right in to my friend basket.

Tonight they surprised me and got me a gift.

I love gifts.

Gifts, especially out of the blue, make my head explode with joy x 2. This one was given to me on a day that could have been a very unhappy one for me. It was kind of an unofficial end to a massive joint endeavor I had hoped to fully accomplish. It seems though that the chances of that are highly diminished at this point in time. Will that change? I really wish it would.

But that's not the important thing at the moment. The important thing, at THIS VERY MOMENT, is that my friends are so splendid I had FORGOTTEN about the tragic part of today. Can you believe that? I mean how do you pull that off? How are you so fantastic a group to be with that people can't actually focus on anything else except how amazingly cool it is to be hanging out with you!?

I don't even know what else to say about it! (That isn't true. I actually have a plenty more to say but I thought I'd type that for you to read as a kind of mini intermission.)

Get this; What I got was a gift certificate to Tiffany & Co. Am I one of the only men on the planet that is excited about that? Probably. Is it wicked cool that my friends know me this well? Ummm...yes!

Do I feel like a jerk for saying that I think gift certificates are kind of a boring gift during the conversation my friends maliciously baited me into about gifts just slightly before I received mine? A little. But that's in the past now! And you guys set me up anyway. (Oh yeah, back on you.)

Is it weird that a night involving great food, good friends, Tiffany & Co gift certificates, and watching The Scarlet Pimpernele would be ideal in my mind? Not if you knew me.

And here's another thing: Today I went to work, did some grocery shopping, hung out with my friends, got three loads of laundry done, made strawberry shortcake, and watched a movie. A couple of years ago it would have been a miracle for me to accomplish any ONE of those things in a given day. To get them all done and be happy still is a surreal feeling, and I couldn't have gotten to this point without the incredible support of all those around me. I've seen some dark days and the appreciation I have for everyone that has helped me is beyond my ability to express here.

I don't know if I can ever repay all of you fully, but I don't mind spending the rest of my time trying.

And so I find myself incredibly excited about what tomorrow can bring. Because with friends like these the insurmountable seems as easy as dinner & a movie.

Seeking editor. Inquire within.

Seeking editor. Inquire within., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

So, I'm leisurely driving home today and as I'm passing by the local tattoo parlor/leather store I see this sign out of the corner of my eye.

"Did that say 'SPING'?" I said to myself.

So a quick U-turn was pulled, which quickly got me back to the parking lot in question, and there it was in all it's glory.

Now we see misspelled signs and horrible grammar everywhere these days. I myself indulge in it from time to time. But I would think that getting things spelled correctly would be very high on a tattoo parlor's list of things to do to attract customers.

I mean I'm no marketing guru but this one seems pretty straight forward.

Trying to give them the benefit of the doubt I thought that perhaps "SPING" is a term that tattoo people know and I'm just foolishly unaware of. But it doesn't seem tough enough sounding for that. Then I noticed that for some reason the only lowercase letter on the whole sign is the "h" located right in the center of the word "leather". Although that "k" in "ink" is looking a little suspect also.

Either way it made my day. And if you go there for ink work make sure it's all graphic. You don't want to end up with "Haley" instead of "Harley". You couldn't wear enough leather to offset that.

The time has come.

The time has come., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

Well my friends, all I can say is, watch your back.

In my possesion, and shown above, is my new camera. I will be using this camera in an ongoing effort to take a picture of everything that strikes my fancy.

That could be you. Yes, YOU.

There are a few ways to avoid this. First on the list is to tell me about really interesting places that could lend themselves to interesting shots. Do this and you'll have instant veto rights on all photos that contain your nice little visage.

Your second option is to run. This probably won't work very well as I can most likely snap your picture before you'd get very far, and then there would be a terribly silly photo of you doing such, which I will promptly show the world.

"This is my friend trying to run away from my camera. Isn't it HILARIOUS!" I'll say.

I was going to state that your third option is to hide. But really. Hide from ME!? Ha! Please!

So there it is. You help me and I'll try to help you not embarass yourself. A solid plan in my estimation.

: )

Anywho, I CAN'T WAIT! I love taking photos and I promise to make everyone look fantastic! (within reason of course)

Vurk

Vurk, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

Work is a lot like death, it just lasts longer.

How much longer? As far as I can tell it may not even be measurable. I've tried doing the numbers on it twice now and then it hit me that THAT was work! It gets you coming and going people.

Someday when I'm living naked on my island with a freshwater spring and a lemon tree I'll think back about work and let out one big, "HA!"

Then I'll probably go swimming.

In case you were wondering swimming is NOT work. In fact it is anti-work. One day swimming and hangin' at the beach can easily offset an entire week of work.

And don't even get me started on sailing! That stuff scares the icky junk right out of work.

Did I mention it's 18 degrees out currently? Because it is, and that makes the above activities difficult, and that gives work an edge.

Not good.

Which brings me back to the island idea. I think it's a rather good idea. Except for the naked part. I don't know if I could really do that. But it doesn't hinge on that anyway.

I have seen him.

I have seen him., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

So, I'm minding my own business cruising down the highway when all of a sudden who comes by me but The Man!

I was stunned.

After all this time being under The Man's thumb I never thought I'd actually see him. How did I know it was him? Well, being The Man, he has a vanity plate stating just that.

THE MAN

I'll be honest, I didn't expect him to be driving a Volkswagen. But it was a pretty pimped out one and fast enough that it was all I could do to nab the terrible picture above.

I know. It's hard to make out the license plate in the shot. If I had all the spy technology that The Man does I'd have cleaned it up for you. But I don't. Something I'm sure The Man was counting on. But click on that thing, go to my flickr account (clearly an anti-Man establishment) and click "All Sizes" and if you look closely enough you'll see the evidence.

Of course you can imagine it's not true. That the picture is too blurry to truly make out. But that's what The Man would WANT you to think! Nay to that I say.

Plus how would you then explain Lefty and Fenway!? Clearly henchmen for The Man sent to try to determine if I was a true threat to his cushy world that he keeps us down from. Coincidence you say? Not likely! Two vans ALSO WITH VANITY PLATES spotted just minutes after my encounter with The Man is anything but coincidence. ESPECIALLY when they have henchmen-like names.

The average person might have missed this entire encounter and ensuing scenario, but fortunately I am ever vigil in my search for The Man. We shall meet again my inimigo. We shall meet again.

This means something.

This means something., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

Today is boring. Like, really REALLY boring. So boring in fact that it made me notice that there are two exit signs in the hallway where I work.

Why two? Well, I don't know. Let's guess:

Idea #1: People who are disoriented and seeing double will actually resolve the two signs visually as one clear sign, thus allowing them to exit safely. I rate this as slightly likely.

Idea #2: They were on sale.

Idea #3: Hmm...I'm starting to run dry here.

Random Fact: The hallway here that is maybe 60ft long and U-shaped has FIVE exit signs in total. This is odd because there are, in point of fact, only two distinct exits.

Idea #3.5: An exit sign from a parallel dimension is somehow also present in this dimension. Based on the crazy stuff that happens here I would rate that as very likely.

Idea #4: Monkeys.

There. I think that's a good go at it. How good? Well, not THAT good but what do you expect? I mean this boredom is actually starting to cause me physical pain. No lie.

Anyway, what do you think?

The People I Know Are The Best

The People I Know Are The Best, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

So Alycia says to Zack and I, "I'm going to make something to eat but it's probably not going to be any good."

Then we come out to this.

Alycia, babe, I think you need to have a little more confidence in your abilities, because that meal was pretty darn fantastic.

Sauteed shrimp and cherry tomatoes on a bed of roasted potatoes with a lentil soup on the side and yes, it's perfectly normal for your mouth to be watering at this point folks.

Good eats people. Good eats.

Dogs Make Me Happy Because They're Happy

Dogs Make Me Happy Because They're Happy, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

What other animal/person/robot enjoys driving around as much as a dog? There is no peer to them in this field. They own it.

Which is why when I saw this particular canine TOTALLY FREAKING OUT about riding around with his head out the window it made me very happy. So happy in fact that I was suddenly DESPERATE to get a quick shot of him, and there it is.

Enjoy your ride little guy. You definitely made me enjoy mine.

More Pirate Booty

More Pirate Booty, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

Captain Beka and myself ruled the high seas and came home with the title of Dread Pirate.

It was, without a doubt, quite a victory.

Pirate Booty

Pirate Booty, originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

This is the cake Ian constructed for the dread pirates. As you can clearly see it was pretty fantastic.

I use the word "was" because sadly, for the cake, it ceased to exist shortly after it came into existence. For the cake killers though, it was a time of great pleasure.

It's all about honesty...

It's all about honesty..., originally uploaded by JakeEbel.

I love it when I see people really putting themselves out there. I mean, why not? It's better that people know what they're getting themselves into. That way when something inevitably goes wrong nobody is surprised. Instead they're just like, "Oh yeah, that's right, you have issues."

If instead they act all surprised then you can just run over them with your gigantic truck at that point. Fair warning is fair warning in my book.